Thomas Fire.
When you look at the these words, what are the first things that come to do your mind?
Fear, sadness, devastation, disbelief, somberness, loss of words, disconnect, sleep disturbance, community, family distress, financial strains, powerless, inconsistency, change to routine.
If any of those came to your mind, please understand that these are typical responses to traumas such as natural disasters. Many traumas that occur are pressured to remain secrets which forces individuals to try to get through it on their own but The Thomas Fire didn’t just affect one person or one family, it affected an entire community. Depending on the lens you choose to adapt, this could be a good or bad thing. Bad: Thousands of people were displaced and traumatized. Good: Thousands of people can now relate to one another and connect on a deeper level. Social support is a resilience factor that will limit psychological distress after a natural disaster occurs. Pushing yourself to engage with your community, interacting with your friends, visiting with family, sharing fire stories with others, attending therapy, etc. These activities will be some one of the most crucial things that you can do for your mental well being in recovery.
Families, each individual that makes up your family is going to have different symptoms in the upcoming weeks/months. Children may become more aggressive, worrisome, clingy, anxious, withdrawn, develop sleep problems, begin bedwetting, etc. Also, it is important to remember that sometimes not having any symptoms is a symptom.
What can you do to help your children? Children need safety and protection in order to properly develop and individuate. Safety can look many different ways. Providing your child with a consistent schedule, praising small achievements, providing the space to allow your child to talk about the fire, being transparent with your child, and developing future safety plans are just some things you can do to help your child get through this difficult time. Remember, negative feelings are expected after a trauma but these negative feelings should not adversely impact different domains of your child’s life. This means, if you child begins losing interest in sports/activities, can not function properly due to lack of sleep, begins making suicidal/self harm statements, or anything else that makes you believe your child is not grieving appropriately then consider taking your child to a therapist.
Couples, in dealing with a sporadic traumatic event, the human brain is designed to to protect itself in an individualistic manner. This means that human instinct is to get oneself out of harm’s way. Although this is how our brains function, it doesn’t mean that this is what we actually do. The Thomas Fire was a disaster that likely had negative effects on interpersonal relationships when it first occurred.
Why? Typically events that impact relationships are predictable and foreseeable which allows the couple to use their thoughts and feelings to guide their behaviors. For example: if a couple is having financial difficulties, this is something that they can see occuring. They can examine their money spending habits, tell one another their thoughts, and reel in on their emotions in order to execute a plan on how to get through this situation. With The Thomas Fire, there was not any time to work through a rational plan with one another. The actions that occurred after the fire were instinctual.
Although the short term effects of a natural disaster typically lead to more conflict within the relationship, this isn’t true for long term effects. When dealt with appropriately, a couple can strengthen their bond which leads to healthier relationship practices (bringing more happiness!) Practice being open and vulnerable with your partner about your feelings. This is going to lead to your partner being your primary source of comfort which will directly correlate to more intimacy, strengthened trust, deeper admiration, solving problems as a team, and creating shared meaning. Try to etch out a time each day that involves you and your partner embracing one another. Push yourself to engage in mutual interest hobbies with your significant other. Be aware of the different ways that this disaster can be affecting your partner, be attuned, and practice being non judgemental. If you notice that your relationship is having exacaberated issues, don’t be afraid to go to therapy. Therapy is a process that allows you to have undivided time from a neutral person who can recognize and point out unhealthy relationship patterns, while also praising and encouraging in the most authentic way.
The Thomas Fire is coming to and end (my deepest gratitude to all the brave firefighters and first responders) but this does not mean that your feelings of loss and grief will be. Give yourself time and acceptance, and remember you have an entire community that is in this together. Please call or email VCC if you would like to set up a free 30 minute consultation. We are here for you and would love the opportunity to help you through this incredibly painful time.
Who am I? My name is Lexi Heinzer. I am a Marriage Family Therapist Associate under supervision from Marilyn Owen. I have a deep interest and passion to help families and couples through temporary roadblocks to help them reach their full potential. I recognize that many interpersonal relationship difficulties occur because of patterns. I want to help you break these patterns and together learn new skills and techniques to guide you. Relationships are ubiquitous, so why not have the healthiest relationships possible in order to be the healthiest you possible. Please email or call me with any questions or comments that you may have.
Posted: February 14, 2018 by VCCounseling
What is Separation Anxiety Disorder?
For children under the age of 12, Separation Anxiety Disorder is the most prevalent anxiety disorder while in a 12-month period in the United States, it is estimated that it exists among 0.9 to 1.9 percent in adults, 1.6 percent among teenagers, and 4 percent among children.
Separation Anxiety Disorder is a condition in which an individual, often a child, becomes anxious and fearful when they are away from home or when they are separated from a loved one, often their caregiver. However, it is important to note that such condition may be present at all stages of life, not just children. For a child who is two years or younger, it may be normal for them to express such anxiety or fear when their parent is out of sight because they are not yet able to fully understand that their parent could be out of sight. Such separation becomes a problem when it’s excessive given the individuals developmental level and when it begins to disrupt the person’s daily life. For example, the individual cannot go to work or school because they do not want to be on their own but rather feel the need to be with their loved one.
What causes Separation Anxiety Disorder?
Although there is not a known cause, there are risks factors that are believed to influence such disorder. For example, a major stressor in someone’s life or the loss of a loved one (including a pet) may influence the development of such disorder. Also, a divorce of the parents, changes of school, or even having overprotective parents may play a role. Being separated from your loved one because of a disaster of some sort, for example, has also shown to influence the disorder.
Furthermore, although it has not been scientifically proven, research has shown that Separation Anxiety Disorder may be genetic.
What are the symptoms?
How can it be treated?
In most cases, medical treatment is not necessary, but rather individuals undergo therapy to reduce the anxiety, develop a sense of security in both the loved ones and the individuals, and educating the individual and loved ones about the need of separation.
Some individuals undergo psychotherapy to help the individual tolerate separation while others may undergo cognitive-behavioral therapy to help reshape the individuals thinking. Another option may be behavioral modification therapy where an individual is not punished for their symptoms, but rather rewarded for small victories over symptoms.
What can I do for myself or for someone I know?
Posted: February 14, 2018 by VCCounseling
What is Social Anxiety Disorder?
Social Anxiety Disorder is the second most commonly diagnosed anxiety disorder after Specific Phobia. It is estimated that about 15 million American adults are diagnosed with it and that it may start at the age of 13.
Social Anxiety Disorder is the fear of socially interacting with other people and being afraid of being negatively judged and evaluated by other people. Unfortunately, sometimes this anxiety is misunderstood with shyness. However, shyness is usually short-term, but social anxiety is persistent and can be debilitating. Individuals with this disorder often fear certain or all situations such as meeting new people, dating, being on a job interview, shopping, answering a question in class, or eating in front of other people. When exposed to social situations and having to interact with others, they usually get anxious and they become afraid. Individuals become nervous, their heart begins to race, they blush, sweat, and/or their throat and mouth may dry due to the fear and anxiety they experience when in social situations. The fear that they have of interacting with others does not allow them to engage in daily life activities such as going to work or school.
What causes Social Anxiety Disorder?
It is not clear how such disorder is developed. However, it is thought that is may be due to genetics or learned behavior. If an individual had an unpleasant or embarrassing situation, they may develop such condition afterward or it may be due to the learned behavior from the parents. Furthermore, negative experiences such as family conflict, sexual abuse or bullying may trigger the condition.
Now, what are some of the symptoms?
Does this mean they cannot interact with other people?
No. Individuals may seek therapy such as cognitive-behavioral therapy to help change their thoughts, beliefs, behavior, and feelings. Through cognitive-behavioral therapy both the individual and the therapist, are able to identify what type of social situations are provoking the anxiety and may then engage in exposure therapy, social skills training, cognitive reconstructing, symptom management skills, or even psychodynamic therapy. Furthermore, some individuals may take prescribed antidepressants to reduce any related anxiety or depression.
However, unfortunately not many individuals seek professional help possibly because they perceive it as a sign of weakness, for financial reasons, it doesn’t fit in their schedule or think it will go away through time. However, it is important to seek the help if needed. For example, one can begin by asking if the therapists offer after-hours, plan appointments ahead of time, explain your situation to a mental health professional and they may help guide to as to what is best for you, or you may want to ask a friend to help guide you there so that you are not alone. You are seeking professional help for your own well-being, not for the well-being of others.
Posted: February 3, 2018 by VCCounseling
Relationship Friday
Each Friday, we are answering questions about relationships! See this week’s entry and response below:
Writer: I am interested in having my question about relationships answered. How does one not let a spouse with wildly fluctuating moods not effect their own life? If my spouse decides to shift moods it can drain all my energy in an instant, thus leaving me angry and frustrated along with a sense of resentment and hostility towards him
Lexi Heinzer M.A. IMF#100931: It sounds like you are a person who gains your own energy from other’s energy- thus making it even more difficult to not allow your spouse’s mood to negatively affect you. Just as your spouse does not control your mood, you do not control his but you both influence them. Think of it as a cycle:
It is true that moods are contagious! As you can see from the cycle above, it is apparent that your emotional reaction from your husband’s bad mood is to mimic it. This is a normal response for all humans! When a person becomes grumpy, emotionally distant, or irritable it is natural to take this personally and internalize it. The best thing to do is strategize what you want your response to be. Do you want to be emotionally vulnerable with your spouse and tell him that deep down, it is hurtful because it may feel like an attack towards you? Would you feel more comfortable telling your partner that his bad moods make you emotionally distant? Or, would it feel best to let your partner know that when his bad moods come up you will leave the room until his mood has subsided (maybe giving him a word or body cue that you are leaving due to wanting to break the cycle).
The truth is, moodiness is a sign of emotional instability. You do not control this, and you are not to blame for it. Once you can start believing this for yourself, you will be able to separate your emotions and react in a way that will appropriately break the negative cycle. Your energy is not worth being drained and your day is not worth being ruined. You have the power to change how you respond, which gives you back your energy when you remind yourself “His bad mood is not because of me and I am not to blame. I do not want my day to be ruined. Although I am bothered that he is in a bad mood, I have the power and control to choose how I will respond to this because I care about myself and believe that I deserve a good day. Although I do not control his mood, my response may influence it in a positive manner.”
Send us in your question, and see it get anonymously answered next week!
Thoughts? Comment us below!
Last Updated: December 31, 2017 by VCCounseling
Thomas Fire
Thomas Fire.
When you look at the these words, what are the first things that come to do your mind?
Fear, sadness, devastation, disbelief, somberness, loss of words, disconnect, sleep disturbance, community, family distress, financial strains, powerless, inconsistency, change to routine.
If any of those came to your mind, please understand that these are typical responses to traumas such as natural disasters. Many traumas that occur are pressured to remain secrets which forces individuals to try to get through it on their own but The Thomas Fire didn’t just affect one person or one family, it affected an entire community. Depending on the lens you choose to adapt, this could be a good or bad thing. Bad: Thousands of people were displaced and traumatized. Good: Thousands of people can now relate to one another and connect on a deeper level. Social support is a resilience factor that will limit psychological distress after a natural disaster occurs. Pushing yourself to engage with your community, interacting with your friends, visiting with family, sharing fire stories with others, attending therapy, etc. These activities will be some one of the most crucial things that you can do for your mental well being in recovery.
Families, each individual that makes up your family is going to have different symptoms in the upcoming weeks/months. Children may become more aggressive, worrisome, clingy, anxious, withdrawn, develop sleep problems, begin bedwetting, etc. Also, it is important to remember that sometimes not having any symptoms is a symptom.
What can you do to help your children? Children need safety and protection in order to properly develop and individuate. Safety can look many different ways. Providing your child with a consistent schedule, praising small achievements, providing the space to allow your child to talk about the fire, being transparent with your child, and developing future safety plans are just some things you can do to help your child get through this difficult time. Remember, negative feelings are expected after a trauma but these negative feelings should not adversely impact different domains of your child’s life. This means, if you child begins losing interest in sports/activities, can not function properly due to lack of sleep, begins making suicidal/self harm statements, or anything else that makes you believe your child is not grieving appropriately then consider taking your child to a therapist.
Couples, in dealing with a sporadic traumatic event, the human brain is designed to to protect itself in an individualistic manner. This means that human instinct is to get oneself out of harm’s way. Although this is how our brains function, it doesn’t mean that this is what we actually do. The Thomas Fire was a disaster that likely had negative effects on interpersonal relationships when it first occurred.
Why? Typically events that impact relationships are predictable and foreseeable which allows the couple to use their thoughts and feelings to guide their behaviors. For example: if a couple is having financial difficulties, this is something that they can see occuring. They can examine their money spending habits, tell one another their thoughts, and reel in on their emotions in order to execute a plan on how to get through this situation. With The Thomas Fire, there was not any time to work through a rational plan with one another. The actions that occurred after the fire were instinctual.
Although the short term effects of a natural disaster typically lead to more conflict within the relationship, this isn’t true for long term effects. When dealt with appropriately, a couple can strengthen their bond which leads to healthier relationship practices (bringing more happiness!) Practice being open and vulnerable with your partner about your feelings. This is going to lead to your partner being your primary source of comfort which will directly correlate to more intimacy, strengthened trust, deeper admiration, solving problems as a team, and creating shared meaning. Try to etch out a time each day that involves you and your partner embracing one another. Push yourself to engage in mutual interest hobbies with your significant other. Be aware of the different ways that this disaster can be affecting your partner, be attuned, and practice being non judgemental. If you notice that your relationship is having exacaberated issues, don’t be afraid to go to therapy. Therapy is a process that allows you to have undivided time from a neutral person who can recognize and point out unhealthy relationship patterns, while also praising and encouraging in the most authentic way.
The Thomas Fire is coming to and end (my deepest gratitude to all the brave firefighters and first responders) but this does not mean that your feelings of loss and grief will be. Give yourself time and acceptance, and remember you have an entire community that is in this together. Please call or email VCC if you would like to set up a free 30 minute consultation. We are here for you and would love the opportunity to help you through this incredibly painful time.
Who am I? My name is Lexi Heinzer. I am a Marriage Family Therapist Associate under supervision from Marilyn Owen. I have a deep interest and passion to help families and couples through temporary roadblocks to help them reach their full potential. I recognize that many interpersonal relationship difficulties occur because of patterns. I want to help you break these patterns and together learn new skills and techniques to guide you. Relationships are ubiquitous, so why not have the healthiest relationships possible in order to be the healthiest you possible. Please email or call me with any questions or comments that you may have.
Last Updated: December 31, 2017 by VCCounseling
Our Supporters
We are grateful for the support we have received:
Google awards VCC with special services, including free Google advertising, through their Google for Nonprofits program.
Organic Themes gifted VCC with a website theme that is designed for nonprofit organizations.
Ventura College invited VCC to their Diversity in Culture Week!
At our inception, VCC was awarded a private grant of $3,000.
VCC has also received donations from donors like you. Thank you!
Last Updated: December 31, 2017 by VCCounseling
Seeking Psychotherapy When You Have Social Phobia
Someone with social phobia has developed an intense fear of social situations and interactions. With such a fear, an individual can become incredibly self-conscious and strongly aware that they’re being judged and criticized by others.
The feelings that come with social phobia can result in weariness with the public, anxiety with gatherings, as well as an overall depression since many individuals with social phobia tend to want to be alone to avoid social interaction. In fact, when faced with a choice of going out or staying in, preferring to be alone is a major symptom of social phobia.
Social anxiety disorder, or social phobia, has been discovered to be the third largest psychological disorder in the United States. However, studies have found that this disorder also includes specific fears, such as speaking in front of groups.
Symptoms of Generalized Social Anxiety or Social Phobia
Those with generalized social phobia tend to become extremely and sometimes irrationally distressed when under certain social situations such as when:
Physiological symptoms can include an erratic heart rate, blushing, a dry throat or mouth, trembling, difficulty swallowing, muscle spasms, and excessive sweating. The most obvious symptom, however, is anxiety or panic.
Seeking Psychotherapy
How does someone with social phobia strike up the nerve to speak with a therapist? They would have to find a therapist they feel comfortable with, a professional who can help them feel at ease the moment they walk into the room. Helping a person feel comfortable includes listening closely, exhibiting a warm acceptance, and responding with understanding and support.
In fact, in therapy a person with social phobia can experience what it’s like to be accepted, heard, and understood by another. They can experience what it’s like to have a therapeutic relationship with another human being. These are very different than the experiences that someone with social phobia is fearing when in public – rejection, shame, embarrassment, humiliation. Therapeutic experiences can help a person feel more confident in social situations. Of course, a therapist can also provide coping tools, relaxation techniques, and tips for watching and replacing negative thoughts, which can trigger anxiety.
There are a handful of modalities that a therapist may use with someone with social phobia, depending upon a person’s needs and circumstances. These include cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness, depth psychological techniques, group therapy, and more.
Like speaking with a therapist one-on-one, group therapy can also be helpful. This therapeutic technique is facilitated by a therapist and is attended by many people who have a similar condition – in this case, social phobia. Group therapy can be incredibly supportive because other attendees may share their anecdotes of social distress, success stories, and suggestions for overcoming their symptoms. For instance, one common tip for those with social anxiety is to surround yourself with people that you are comfortable with, including family, friends, and those who are like-minded. Feeling more and more at ease with others can slowly help one overcome their social anxiety and phobias.
Written by Marie Miguel
Marie Miguel is an avid internet researcher. She is fueled by her determination to answer the many questions she hasn’t been able to find the answer to anywhere else. When she finds these answers she likes to spread the knowledge to others who are seeking help. She is always looking for outlets to share her information, therefore she occasionally has her content published on different websites and blogs.
Last Updated: December 31, 2017 by VCCounseling
Video
Depth Psychology
Depth psychology is a perspective, or a way of seeing. It is an approach to seeing the world in a broad, inclusive way taking into account more than what can be experienced by the five senses. Academically, depth psychology could be defined as the study of the unconscious mind. However, depth psychology is defined by much more than just psychology. Because deeper parts of the mind tend to speak in the language of images, depth psychology includes art, mythology, story, archetypal patterns, symbols, and philosophy. With this in mind, depth psychology works holistically with an individual to support their growth and healing.
Last Updated: December 31, 2017 by VCCounseling
Recent Events
VCC at Ventura College
On April 12, 2017 VCC had the great pleasure of bringing depth psychology to Ventura College students. Two VCC staff led the students in an experiential exercise, provided two short films to watch on depth psychology, and introduced Ventura Community College to the student body. Thank you Ventura College for having VCC join your Diversity in Culture Week!
Last Updated: December 31, 2017 by VCCounseling
The Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy Approach to Managing Chronic Pain
Last Updated: December 31, 2017 by VCCounseling
How Couples Counseling Can Help
Often, people find themselves in unhealthy patterns in their intimate relationships. On the one hand, these patterns can be challenging and debilitating to the relationship. And on the other hand, they are the very opportunity to help a relationship grow and become more loving.
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